bum brassieres

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Last night, the girls were chatting about the practical rituals of buying jeans. Contrary to popular opinion, that most ubiquitous and utilitarian item of anyone's wardrobe is probably the hardest item to buy. Not because of the happy milling of teenage girls, buzzing around one's bottom, squealing things like "hott" and "booty," but because said booty comes in all shapes and forms and jeans come in variations of bleached to the knee and dark blue. A bit like titties, if you know what I mean... there's a million bras for B-cups but lacey A-cups seem to always come padded.

Anyways, so Annie was regaling us with her latest episode.

"Usually, there's about 18 22-year-old girls running around you. And then one of them asks if they can help you. But you can't say that you're looking for a pair of jeans, because that's all they sell. You have to tell them what colour, what cut. Then they look at you, and come back with five or six pairs. The last time I went in, some gay guy was looking after me. He said... "girlfriend, that pair is like a brassiere for your bum." That was the selling point. How could I say no after that?"

1. disturbing and exhilarating that the world of jeans has become so diversified as to need specialists in the jeans field.
2. frightening and thrilling that these girls (and guys) can become specialists at such a young age. A bit like 15 year-olds dominating figure skating... or chess.
3. A brassiere for your bum? Will it prevent sag? I'm very excited about these new innovations for jeans. Besides saggy tits and saggy face, nobody wants saggy ass.
4. "Girlfriend, if you get these jeans, I can get my commission and use it to buy cocktails at Sailor and get my booty into action. These jeans are like GHB for my ass."

Apparently it's now common to pay almost $300 for a good pair of jeans. Am I going crazy? Is this insane? Now I really wish people would just get back to Chinos.