Thirty-One Things about Me! Me! Me!

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

This is the best type of exercise for a narcissist such as myself. Since it's acceptable in the blogosphere to talk without end about oneself, here it is:

Thirty-One Things about Me (updated November 2005 to reflect age)

1. Born in Singapore, grew up in Toronto, Canada, moved to France three years ago, and married my Prince Frog, who came attached with a moustache.

2. Biggest regret: quitting piano because of a stupid dare I made with my mom.

3. Was a real ugly duckling… my high school photos are the stuff of Todd Solondz films.

4. Won a red and white striped scarf when I was thirteen balancing a meter stick on my head for over ten minutes. When I moved to France, the scarf came too.

5. Wrote a screenplay when I was fourteen, starring all my stuffed animals, that was loosely based on Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica and Geo-Force.

6. Was in a electro-pop group called Pony da Look… for all of seven months. People still tell me the group ain’t the same since I left.

7. Sat for a portrait when I was sixteen. The portrait was named Sam. It was then bought by a rich gay man, who asked if he could meet the model.

8. I fell violently on my head when I was seven. The hair turned white and fell out, then grew back. Now, in this is the part of my head that is turning white before the others.

9. Have little to no stagefright, as was evidenced by an art performance where I was naked,
painted in white, at the closing night for an international film festival. I was a walking screen.

10. Wanted to be an actress, then a lawyer, then a writer, then a mathematician, then a philosopher, then a poet, then a photographer, then an artist….

11. Was third in Canada in Grade 7 for a national mathematics competition.

12. Took way too much acid my first year in university and promptly lost my scholarship.

13. I am sports-obsessed. Everything from the Champions League, Superbowl, Roland-Garros, Curling Finals, Petanque Golden-League… even the Tour de France. I love the Tour de France because it’s the coolest!

14. Every month I think I’m pregnant till my period comes. Am I alone in this?

15. Apparently, and this is family folklore, one of the first complete sentences I articulated was “Mummy, I’m so frustrated.” Before that, they just thought I was a deaf mute mental retard.

16. Barry Manilow’s Copacabana is probably the song that has run through my life… of course not metaphorically.

17. Richard D. James saved my life… like for real! Not just musically… he pulled me back from getting hit by a cab.

18. I love reading… If I ever stop reading, I might die.

19. Right now I’m happy and bopping to Stevie Wonder’s Isn’t She Lovely… but if I get sad, which could be in ten minutes, I’ll listen to something else.

20. My only black eye was from moshing to Nirvana… somebody stuck their elbow in my eye socket.

21. I’ve been checked out by Henry Rollins. That’s when my hair was bleached white. That was a bad fashion move.

22. If I was rich I’d probably turn into Brian Wilson… in other words, I’d find no reason to leave my bed.

23. I have obsessed over several books in my lifetime: Tess of the D’Urbervilles, Pride and Prejudice, Lady Chatterley’s Lover, Waiting for the Barbarians and Stephen King’s IT.

24. My favourite line from the Name of the Rose is when the guy screams out “FLAGRANTE DELICTO!”

25. My breasts are small, but my ass is like a strawberry.

26. I have realized you can never go home, you can never turn back the clock, as much as you want. That split second once gone… is gone. Perhaps not a unique observation, but still such a bittersweet one for me.

27. I’m a lazy bastard.

28. Jerry Garcia was fat. I know it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with me… but I’d like to emphasize the factual nature of this list.

29. I don’t have any children… next!

30. My name means King of the Lions. Which makes me a Princess, if you haven’t figured that out already.

31. I'm still too confused half the time to know when to buy lottery tickets. Actually, I learned a really good answer when I get confused: so what? It works pretty well for other problems too (this is an open plagiarism of Andy Warhol, if you must know. But I only really copy funny people because it simplifies having to decide who's cool and who's not. Unfunny people are never cool, unless they have giant schlongs and want to save baby unicorns).