Mama Fiorucci killed me

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Yesterday was the combined birthday of Natalie and Ben, not to mention the welcome home of Balint. In celebration, Natalie and Balint threw a bbq at their place, kind of like a little shack with a very beautiful deck, which is where we were, up in the sky.

When I walked through the door, I saw something vaguely shocking: two old men sitting at a table looking studious with furrowed brows. They look like they grew up together, probably struggling valiantly through a chess rivalry. I later learnt these were the couple's fathers. I don't know anyone who has such luck with in-laws. But, in all fairness, I think Natalie's dad deals in art and Balint's dad is an artist.

Ok... after arriving, dressed in short short white shorts, canary yellow see-through top over a grey skinny halter, I kissed as many people hello as I could and then dove straight into the food. It was a veritable tomato explosion... too many tomato thingies, salads... I'm almost sick of tomatoes by now.

Anyways, Trudie, the little Truitster, my favourite 20 pound Eskimo was there, ready to rile me up with meat jokes. She seems to think I'm into extreme eating...

-Hey Sam, ready to eat your camel burgers?
-No. Havin' Eskimo burgers this time.
-What, made out of ice-cream?
-No, made out of ground up bits of you.
-I'm not an Eskimo.
-Yes you are.
-Then you are too.
-Naw, I'm too tall.
(another voice)
-Trudie looks like a rabbit
(another voice)
-Trudie is a rabbit
-Trudie bites herself for fun.

You probably don't need to hear the rest of that.

Anyways, after salad came drinking. Then smoking. Then, in between drinking and smoking, Balint told me my burger was ready. Alon had gone to the Organic Butcher's and had asked me to choose between lamb burgers... blah blah blah mustard seed... blah blah blah sundried tomato... mama fiorucci... and, like a fool, I chose Mama Fiorucci because I liked the name. Mama in anything associated with food usually gets my choice. Mama cooks good. So, those Mama Fioruccis were ordered and slammed on the grill, and suddenly, out of the blue, there it was, in front of me... a GIANT GIANT GIANT hamburger. I didn't really know what to do so I put some ketchup and mustard on it and went humbly back to my seat, where I was then humiliated publicly by Mama Fiorucci.

Nobody can eat a giant hamburger in over 30 degree humidity heat. It's crazy, and only the starving, fattys, and a herd of rabid mutant rats can accomplish this feat. I mowed through half of it gamely, then moved swiftly onto a cigarette and the rest of my wine. Whew, I have no problems drinking wine.

In fact, to illustrate my no-problems with wine, I then proceeded to drink a shit load of it, then smoked copious amounts of weed, then talked like an idiot. Luckily sun had set by this point, and most of us were reasonably wasted. Then, while talking to Derrick, on why his new name should be La Grease (it's so his fault.. the poor guy's named after an oil rig device), I was suddenly sprayed with cold water. At first I thought I was being spit on, but nooo, it was fucking Jaci and her water gun. Eventually I ended up with wet spots all over my snatch and tits (yes, that crudely!). But I saved the joint, so even if the battle was lost, the war... Jaci, I swear, you must so be in love with me!

And then I think I offended Tara's bf Ben by saying he looked like Frodo, a comment he must get very often. He has the same eyes, the same staring thing. But he winced a little. Well, if you grow out hobbit hair, and you have Elijah Wood eyes, you can expect more than your fair share of hobbit comments.

All in all, a very fun night. I think I even learnt something, but I forgot what.

Oh and everybody keeps asking me how Paris is. I always say the same thing. Paris is great. At which point they ask me what I'm doing here...

I'm so loved in Toronto, it seems!


afternote: it is not glamourous to drink 2 bottles of wine practically solo, sleep for 6 hours, and then ride a bus to Milton... MILTON... it's really in the middle of nowhere... luckily my parents have lots of chocolate, food, and alcohol in the house. So I can have my own party with la famille. But, now I have to sleep...