When you lose something valuable and symbolic...

Thursday, March 10, 2005

I have had a pair of dark brown fitted leather gloves, lined with cashmere, for the better part of 6 years. This pair, bought for me by my then boyfriend, has managed to escape the usual curse of forgetfulness and intoxication. Sometimes, I leave it at bars or houses, and always, inevitably, the owner of the bar or house finds me again and gives them back. I suppose much of this good will could be due to the fact that they are quite fitted, thus small, gloves, and being a lady of very skinny hands, there are not many to whom these gloves could be passed onto.

One time, when I lived in Roubaix, in the north of France, I was walking across the main square, in broad daylight, when a giant barrel-chested man starting running in my direction. He had a flat steak-like face, stringy John Waters moustache, and his greasy ponytail glinted in the sunlight. When it became clear he was heading to me, I froze, in terrified anticipation.

-You forgot these a couple of weeks ago at the bar.

And he suddenly does a little bow and pulls out my gloves, the mythical gloves, the gloves I cannot be separated from. I suppose it's just superstition after all, the weight I put on these little gloves. But, in the last couple of weeks, I have been becoming increasingly paranoid about losing these gloves, sometimes checking my bag in mid-conversation to make sure they are there. And last night, well, the inevitable happened....Too much beer and spirited talking. 10 minutes on the way home, I realized that I had left them behind.

But, I didn't turn back. I couldn't turn back.

Sometimes these things are symbolic. I mean, sometimes you have to let go, especially of possessions. Perhaps losing these gloves means I no longer have to hold dear to what the ex gave me, or that, whatever is precious can be lost without fear or pain. What I would prefer to think is that sometimes you must let go and just throw the weight and baggage of what things are supposed to mean out the window. You just have to live in the present and be happy.

Or it could just mean that it's time to move to a warmer climate, a place where I don't have to worry about gloves for the better part of the year. Florida perhaps?