like a bull in a steamy china shop

Friday, May 27, 2005

Obviously it was only a question of time before my next social misstep. What I didn't anticipate was the violence. Things seem to happen in my life, outside of me. Inside, I feel the same. The tremblings of the earth, the loud voices, they rattle around like swinging chandeliers on a storm-blown ship. But inside, my voice is still the same. Sometimes though, things make you sick to your stomach.

Puppy is loved by her. Puppy and I are new friends. She is unhappy. I am without her now. I am unhappy.

It's hot today. The air is humid and the weight is down. I just woke up, my eyes are sore. Paris is steamy. It makes you wait for the night. The coolness that keeps the night air close to the skin.

Still, as the delicate menagerie tumbled smashedly around me there was a strange sense of self-satisfaction. A glory in the horror of it all... like a law of the jungle poking it's hairy head out of the window. That we can eat our relations into bare skeletons faster than they can be grown. The horror of a blind destruction sucking itself dry.

They deadly stinged daggers a friend can throw are more fatal than charging down a highway drunk.

I'll have you know one thing: I am not guilty. I cannot be responsible for something not of my control. I cannot control other people. You could not change anything just as you cannot believe me. And in faith, what you imagine is worse than the real daily activity which is life. I will not hold back who I choose to spend time with out of fear for your spite. There is the present, and we must live in it.

But how actions have consequences. If only we could break the line of time just once.

Not time for sadness... run.... run with me.