Which Lost character would you like to shag?

Monday, April 25, 2005

You know, I'm always a big fan of those online tests and games. They take maybe 5 minutes out of your life, appeal to your large and consequentially fragile ego, and make for good blank-brained gazing. So far, I haven't been able to locate any of these kinds of online tests for Lost, but I believe I'll just make one up myself.

Because, let's face it, if you're thrown onto a deserted island with the likes of Sawyer, Jack or Boone, I highly doubt you'd be trading intense glances for so long. There'd be action.

So there you are, stuck on a desert island. Do you:

1. choose the man who's responsible, future chief of surgery, with general hero-disposition, despite some rather blind-sided thinking and, let's face it, future paunch-orama.

2. jump on the cute, rich boy, with the beautiful angelic face, somebody you know all the eyes follow when you walk into a club, and who will make all your gay friends cream with envy, ...and who is desperately in love with his sister.

3. seduce the sterling rugged southerner, with a penchant for stealing hearts to steal the money, scary dangerous past, snippy one-liners, and the only man balls enough to bargain his life for a kiss while being tied to a stake after being tortured by Iraqis, ...not to mention a numbing case of hypermetropia.

Well, I'll go through them, one by one.

1. Yes, Jack Sheppard is the man your mom would like you to marry, the one who'll make sure your life is practically storybook and Hallmark worthy for the rest of your life. You'll wear Banana Republic, shop for baby clothes together, he'll appreciate your new Italian coffee machine as much as the fact you've decided to volunteer for a mexican schlerosis foundation. Caveat, you probably need to be well-groomed, stay slim, and expect the missionary, every second night of the week.

Who wants that? There are girls who want that. I'm not friends with them.

2. He's so cute, he's so pretty... ok he's a little daft, and an unrequited love affair with his step-sister has probably done its fair share of psychological damage. But, you don't care. You know that Boone'll take you to the country club to play tennis, but also to a club to go dancing. He'll probably even take drugs and regretfully apologize about his prostitute 4.5 days after. He really should be on another show, like the OC, or something like that. In short, he's ornamentation...and he'll probably try and take you up the back door one day after watching too many Justin Timberlake videos.

I like him, but he's more of a gay boyfriend/ or platonic... wait 10 more years to see if the boy becomes Rob Lowe boy-man style... or maybe not. His job is working for his mom's bridal company... pretty nancy boys carry my champagne glasses. That's their job.

3. He's hot, he's dangerous. Definitely on the wrong side of the law, and not the nicest guy around. Sawyer's a grifter. At home, in the civilized world, we avoid such types because, even if they're fun to wiggle and flirt with, and for occasional throwdowns in the sack, these boys spell trouble... Sawyer's a lone wolf. But... you're forgetting one thing... you're on a desert island. He's not going anywhere, and there's a limited number of things to grift up and down. Plus, underneath that rugged exterior is a melting heart of gold that only the great woman in his life will be able to touch. Challenge? You betcha. And what a prize. Get his heart, and you're the ultimate grifter.

Plus, it's obvious he's steamin' under the sheets. (Oh my god, so it's that obvious! I'd choose sex over security and money... that's the type of girl I am. crap)

Sawyer... what a yummers.


Actually, I was going to blog about chicken, and how I've stopped eating chicken because of how gross and tasteless chicken has become. I don't know who can eat chicken these days... industrial chicken, that only tastes like something when it's coated in over 40 different salts and spices and chemicalled oils. I hate chicken. If I was on a desert island, I'd eat sashimi, fruit and lots of spring water. Sounds like the California diet to me. And hello... unlimited supply of Uni (raw sea urchin).