france immigration, or stupid motherfucking shitface third world fucking immigration policy!!! FUCKERS!!!

Monday, November 15, 2004


france immigration
Originally uploaded by nardac.
This morning, before the dreaded trip to the Commissariat for my carte de sejour, I had already imagined blogging about it in all its unsavoury details; the nasty trip through the drudge of humanity at obscene hours in the morning, being touched by strangers in an unfriendly way, finding out exactly how inefficient french bureaucracy can be. After all, after my two year odyssey to be legal in France, while a student in the north, I'm hardly a novice at the horrors of this barbaric experience.

The carte de sejour is like your visitors permit. All foreigners not from the E.U. have to get one if they plan on staying in the country beyond the 3 month limit. Usual reasons for an application are marriage, child with frenchman, student or refugee. The usual mix in the crowd is african, arab and chinese, with rare spittings of white people who are usually eastern european. Rarities are people from first world countries.

This alone should tell you something about the state of immigration in France. Obviously other first world citizens aren't flocking here to study. And most of the marriages and families are either african with africans, arabs with arabs, or... white guys with japanese girls. Rice queens, they're everywhere.

Even in Paris, the motley crew comprises the aged, the debilitated, the mal-educated and the general desperate coloured swarming masses. Americans, Canadians, Australians, Brits, they know they've got it better. I'm one of the few Canadians with leaking brain syndrome.

Who's calling me racist? Shut up. I'm starting a club to unite all the racists in the world. If you ever have to battle these uncivilized coloured masses in droves, as I've had to in the queue, you'd be fucking racist too.

In the north, the centre for application was the Prefecture in Lille, a nasty greyish aging 70s building, one had to start lining up at around 6 in the morning to guarantee entry by 12pm. The very first time I got there, the sun was still sleeping, my feet got numb, and my soul was tarnished by the lack of civilization. Up in the north, they've perfected the technique for turning normal 20th century homo sapiens sapiens into battling gorillas, all in under 2 hours.

People pay other people to sleep overnight in front of the bullet-ridden doors. Cardboards stained with human waste and pee slide over the front door steps. It's not uncommon to see 30 people in front of you at 6am, only to see the number swell to 100 by 8:30am. Normal procedure is for some young lout to wait early. He's then joined by his various family members, each crawling and pushing through the exhausted angry masses. People get so irritated with this behaviour that they start pressing in. The line dissolves into a parabolic blob, crushing onto the doors. By 8:29, the crush has begun. The doors, manned by two fully armed police officers (armed with semi-automatic guns), are opened and closed periodically, allowing around 15 people to squish in at a time.

So, what happened to me? Well, I remember feeling someone's erection pressed onto the side of one of my buttcheeks. I elbowed the son-of-a-bitch, but he didn't move. I finally stepped really hard on his foot and he moved a little, pressing his erection into the man in front of him. Another man behind me had his arm pressed deep into my side. I couldn't move at all. I yelled at them. Everybody just tiredly looked around, and then stared back at the door. Your body is not yours. There is no sense of civilization, order...just animal desperation, poverty and idiocy.

I don't understand why people don't respect queues. I have never been able to comprehend what the point is when you're waiting in line and some dumbass decides to slide beside you, slowly shuffling their way in front. Like, what's do they think somehow their needs are greater than the rest of the people waiting? For me, this is one of the highest markers of people who are uncivilized and generally lacking in grace.

And if you thought that was bad, this nasty behaviour is coupled with the complete idiocy of french civil servants, at least in the north prefecture. I've never met a group of people less willing to help, inefficient, and surly. I mean, for fuck's sakes, they're still doing everything with paper!!! Computers are obviously too advanced for these cretins.

Long story short, it took me two years to get what is a very official and necessary piece of identification in France. The paper should have taken 3 months. The problem was compounded by the Canadian Consul in Lille, a certain Mdme. Aymé who should be fired for being a fuck-up and pretending to have the qualifications to handle my file. I'd also like to send a special nod to Mr. Schmandt, the person who handles the Canadian files at the prefecture. The two times I've visited his office, I've seen him closing screens to his email and gay porn. If that's why my file wasn't being handled, I think he needs to reconsider his career choice... obviously his real dream is to work at a club med for gay men.

Ok...now that you've had the back story, here's what happened today. I woke up at 9am. I made it to the Commissariat in the 12 arrondissment at 10:30am. Immediately behind me was a Chinese woman and Black woman, who seemed to be together. Chinese older woman did that special trick all pushy Chinese women like to pull, they smile their slightly toothless grins, while subtly pushing their bodies into yours. Fucker!

At one point she did a little 90 degree turn left, facing out, and started sliding along. I stuck my foot out. She kept pushing. Finally I outright knee-ed her in the kidneys. At which she squealed and gave her "i'm so weak and wounded" look while complaining that I was putting my foot out to keep her from moving forward. And I said, "yes, because obviously you're too stupid to understand what a queue is for." Then she wailed about there being two queues. "what, one queue for normal people, the other for classless fuckers like you?" Luckily the two arab girls jumped in and started verbally beating the shit out of this woman. She shrank back momentarily.

After we rounded the corner of the building, she started pushing her arm into my back again. Finally, pushed to my limit I turned around and said, "do you like touching me? Do you have a problem touching people you don't know? I don't give you permission to touch me so stop." One of the policemen at the side of the line heard this, came over, and stood watch. After this, no more problems from that fucking midget twatface.

I waited in line till 12:30pm to get in. I waited 40 minutes to get to the welcome desk. I waited 1 hour before getting an agent. And then, a miracle happened... The immigration agent was wonderful, a real gem. She smiled, she handled the file immediately, she gave me a paper that gives me permission to work immediately, she set up my appointment to pick up my carte de sejour, which, surprise surprise, will be ready in less than one month! She sent me off with a smile. She even wished me happy birthday!!! WTF!! Can we find more like her? That alone gives me hope to stay in this god-forsaken country.

So that's the end of my story...or at least I think it is. You can never be sure until the carte is finally stamped in your passport. Stay tuned for more rage and racism.